It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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