Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
