i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
