The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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