I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
