I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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