and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
