nut hugger
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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