I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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