she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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