She said her name was "party"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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