Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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