Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
