Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
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Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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