C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize