the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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