Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
