I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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