Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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