you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
