Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
