Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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