Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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