There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
