What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
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That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
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Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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