i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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