Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
