Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
