You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize