just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Someone signed my nipple.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
