Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
