I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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