I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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