you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize