I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
