with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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