guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
