I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
