I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
