Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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