I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
