you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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