Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
