$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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