I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
