Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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