Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
