OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
