mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
