I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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