The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
