Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
