Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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