Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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