It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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