Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he was CRYING into my vagina
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
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My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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