i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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