Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My cat gives me a boner
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
