actually, I'm a sock model
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
