how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
